Boundaries
by Stungun Milly
Summary: She couldn’t watch him put his ring back on. That circle around his finger was a line, a boundary, that she had crossed, maybe even broken." Kaien/Rukia


Title: **Boundaries**  
Category: Anime/Manga » Bleach  
Author: Stungun Milly  
Language: English, Rating: Rated: M  
Genre: Romance/Angst  
Published: 11-01-09, Updated: 11-01-09  
Chapters: 1, Words: 3,016

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**Chapter 1: Chapter 1**

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Title: Boundaries

Rating: M (sexual situations, adultery)

Genre: Romance/Angst

Pairings: Kaien/Rukia, Kaien/Miyako

Archive/Rec: Sure, just ask and give me credit please.

Notes: I really don't know where this came from. It demanded to be written. I know that Japanese marriages don't traditionally include a wedding ring. I took a little artistic license.

She's not going to pretend it was an accident, she'd meant to kiss him. It hadn't been planned, but they had been alone, and she had just leaned forward and kissed him.

She had never thought that she would act on the feelings she got when she was around Kaien-dono. She hadn't even realized that they had been romantic in nature until a few weeks before the incident. She had thought it was simple admiration and gratitude. He was a powerful fighter and a charismatic leader; it was normal for her heart to quicken when he got close, normal to feel warm when he praised her, but she realized that she wanted to be closer, to feel warm on the outside too. She envied Miyako; she didn't just want to be like her, she wanted to _be_ her, to have everything she had inside, to be in her place.

He had come to check on her progress in inventorying a large shipment of supplies to the Division. It was slow going, she kept getting distracted, and her mind would not stay focused, instead wandering off with ideas of lunch or just giving up and hiding outside, preferably somewhere high.

He crouched down beside her, "Dull work, huh?"

She didn't look at him, but couldn't hold back a small grimace.

He laughed, "I thought so. Such is the life of a new recruit."

"I'm not that new," she mumbled, rolling her neck, she had been leaning over the list of items the entire morning.

"You're new until you've been in the Division for at least 20 years," he ruffled her hair, "still quite a few years to go."

She looked up, his hand was still on her head, his eyes seemed warm to her. She didn't know why, but she kissed him

She had kissed once before, when she was little. She and Renji had decided to try it once because people said that was what boys and girls who stay together do. They both agreed that it was gross and that the people who said it was what you were supposed to do were out of their minds. This kiss was very different, the warmth inside rushed up and seemed to burst out of her chest and through her lips.

She pulled back very quickly, "I'm sorry, sir, I shouldn't have done that. It was completely out of line." She looked at her hands, unable to look into the face she was sure was furious. She wanted to run, to run and never face the punishment she was sure to receive.

"Rukia." No, she couldn't look, the closest she could get was looking at her hands.

"Rukia, look at me."

"Sir…I'm so sorry."

He finally put his hand on her cheek forcing her to turn her head to face him. She couldn't meet his eyes, instead focusing on his chin. She could see his mouth, but it wasn't frowning. Why wasn't he frowning? She finally managed to look up, but closed her eyes. Then she felt something. His hand, it had never left her face. It moved down from her cheek and along her jaw, his thumb went across her lips.

"Wha…" She finally looked up into his eyes.

He was twisting his wedding band off his finger; he put it in his pocket. "No, I'm sorry for what I'm about to do." With that, he put his hand on her other cheek, pulled her forward, and kissed her.

She pulled back quickly, "Sir! You're married…" It was her stupid mistake! He shouldn't be going along with it! "I can't…"

"Can't what? Let me do this? I'm doing it of my own free will. I'm at fault, not you."

No, this was her fault. She had initiated, but she hugged him. It felt good. She hadn't hugged or been hugged in such a long time. Byakuya-nii-sama certainly wasn't going to hug her, so she clung to Kaien-dono. She almost felt like a child, holding on so tightly. Their massive height difference made it easy for her to curl up in his lap. They stayed like that for awhile, not saying anything.

When he kissed her again, she didn't pull away. This time she let him keep kissing her. She really didn't know what to do, so she stayed still. He stroked her hair. Her face was flushed. She could feel it. When she looked up at him, she saw that his was too. They were both breathing a little faster.

"I'm your superior officer. I shouldn't be doing this; it's taking advantage."

"But I kissed you."

"That's not the point. I knew you had a crush on me. I shouldn't have encouraged it."

She blinked. How could he know? _She _hadn't even known. She hadn't even wanted to kiss him until recently. Did he like her too? She quickly dismissed the thought. The lieutenant loved his wife, he was so happy when he was near her. She could see that. So why was he doing this?

"Sir, I didn't think…"

"Stop calling me 'sir,' it makes me feel even worse."

"Okay…um, Kaien?"

He looked sad, but nodded, "That works."

They started kissing again. Kaien pushed her against him a little harder. She made a soft noise from her throat. To her, it sounded like a whimper, only deeper. She didn't know why she made it. Kaien's hands moved slowly down her back, pulling her even closer. He stopped kissing her on the lips and started giving her small, short kisses along her jaw line and neck. She felt really flushed now, as if she had a fever. Only this felt good, it made her tingle, and make those noises again.

He made a noise too, a deep noise, a moan. Her gripped her shoulders and shifted her so she completely faced him, knees on either side of him. She put her arms around his neck. It seemed like the right thing to do. His hands moved from her shoulders, down her arms, coming to rest at her sides. He started kissing her again, leaning down slightly in order to do so. Rukia pulled him closer. She wanted him to be close, to be with her as much as possible.

Was this what Miyako felt? Or was she closer? She had to be, she was so close to him, in his heart, wrapped around it. Rukia knew she wasn't that close, wasn't close to his heart. So why was she doing this? Why was he? Physically, it felt right. It made her feel good, but at the same time, she felt like crying. She was a horrible person, doing this to a married man. Miyako was going to hate her. What if she made Miyako hate Kaien too?

Rukia came sharply back to reality when she realized Kaien's hands had moved upwards and on to her breasts. She squeaked and pulled away.

Kaien made a shushing noise and pulled her back, "it's okay."

She let him hold her again, but her back was rigid. It took her awhile to relax again. Kaien was the one who knew what he was doing, not her, she reminded herself, and she had been the one to start this. He put his hands back when he felt her relax.

"It'll feel good, I promise."

He was right. It did feel good. It made her tingle like before.

_Are you sure this is okay? _She wanted to ask, but she knew the answer. None of this was okay.

Something occurred to her, "we shouldn't do this here."

"We shouldn't be doing this at all, but you're right."

"Where do you want to go?"

"My quarters, not now, but later tonight."

"But Miyako…" She hated using her first name, it was so disrespectful, but she couldn't bring herself to use the words "your wife."

"She's on patrol outside North Rukongai for the next three days." His tone grew very serious. "Listen, if you don't want to do this, don't come. We'll pretend this never happened."

How? How would they pretend?

He lifted her up and held her until she could stand, "this is your choice, and your choice only."

Yes, this was her choice. She'd made many choices today. She wasn't sure if all, or any, of them were the right ones.

He kissed her briefly on the forehead, then reached into his pocket. She couldn't watch him put his ring back on. That circle around his finger was a line, a boundary, that she had crossed, maybe even broken. She stared at the floor and listened to his footsteps as he left the room.

Rukia went straight back to her room as soon as her work for the day was done. She didn't eat, she couldn't. She almost felt unworthy. She stared at her reflection, wondering if she should do something to make herself prettier. Not that she really had anything to accomplish this. She didn't feel ugly on the outside anyway, but she could feel her gut churning on the inside. Should she do this? Kaien had said they could forget about it. Pretend it never happened. No, she'd crossed the line already. There was no turning back.

She was glad she didn't see anyone on her way to Kaien's. She didn't want to skulk around like the mistress she was. Or did mistress only apply when it was another relationship? Did it really matter? She was sleeping with him either way. She knew Kaien probably could sense her presence before she knocked, but she did anyway.

"Come in."

She hesitated before crossing the threshold, taking a deep breath before stepping over. She immediately shut the door behind her, and stared at the floor. She was an outsider here, violating the space belonging to two people bonded together. She didn't belong here.

"I-I'm here, sir." She winced when she realized she'd addressed him as her superior.

He didn't say anything, but he was twisting off his wedding band again. He didn't have pockets, so he set it on his desk. Rukia stared at it; it was off his finger, the sign that he was married. Rukia supposed it was to make her feel better, him too, but seeing it made her want to cry again.

"Wha-what should I do?" She felt scared, not of Kaien, he would never do anything to hurt her, but she couldn't believe she was doing this. She wanted to. She wanted to be that close to Kaien again.

They sat on his futon in the same position they had in the stockroom. He held her again, but didn't wait long to turn her towards him. It was a little more comfortable, her knees didn't hurt from the floor. She kissed him first. Her heart was beating really fast. She could feel it in chest, all the way up to her ears. Kaien told her to relax, so she took several deep breaths. He put his hands on her breasts again, feeling her chest rise and fall with each breath. She was tingling again, wherever Kaien was touching her. The sensation made its way downward, all the way down to between her legs. She gasped as she found herself trying to get closer to him there too. It was like a bolt of lightning traveled all the way up and back down her body as she did. Kaien chuckled a bit and bared her shoulders, kissing down her neck again. He kissed her shoulders, and then took her gi off completely.

The sensations she had felt before magnified tenfold, being touched on her skin, instead of through her clothes. He touched her a little harder, a little more roughly, but not painfully. Then he stopped kissing and put his mouth on her breasts. She groaned, and he did too.

She tried not to make any noise, as if she was afraid someone would hear, but it was just her and Kaien. Like she wanted it to be. She was in Miyako's place, close to Kaien, but only to her. She wondered if all Kaien saw was Miyako. What if she was just a replacement while his wife was gone? He wouldn't do that to her, to both of them, would he? She tried not to think about it.

He lay her down on the bed before he removed the rest of her clothes. She tried to help, but he always gently stopped her. It annoyed her somewhat, but she didn't say anything. She wasn't a child, inexperienced, yes, but an adult woman. She didn't want him to leave. She didn't want to feel alone again.

The sex was…nice. That was the only way she could describe it. It was painful at first, enough to make her tear up, but Kaien was slow and gentle, and once it didn't hurt so much, it _did _feel good. She still tried to be quiet, so did he. They couldn't look at each other, but Rukia couldn't turn her head without seeing the ring on the desk, so she stared at the ceiling.

She was glad he had protection, she hadn't even thought of that. She couldn't imagine the fallout if she got pregnant. She was a noblewoman now. Noblewomen weren't supposed to have sex before marriage, let alone get pregnant, and here she was, losing her virginity to another woman's husband.

They lay together for a little while afterward. She put her head to his chest and listened to his heartbeat. She felt the vibrations when he began to speak.

"This won't happen again."

"I know."

"I'm going to have to tell my wife."

She winced, "I'm sorry, sir."

"So am I."

She got up, "I should go."

"Goodbye, Rukia."

The lieutenant did tell his wife. He was honorable like that. Shiba Miyako was angry, but she didn't yell or scream or make Kaien-dono leave. Instead, she was cold towards him. Their conversations were strained and they stood a little further from each other. It didn't stay that way, but it took a long time.

Her and Kaien-dono's relationship went back to how it had been. He was doing like he said he would, pretending it never happened. She tried to avoid him as much as possible, and stared at floor when she spoke to him. Her heart didn't speed up and she didn't feel warm anymore. It was worse with Miyako. She couldn't face her. Miyako was the one to approach her.

"I don't blame you," she said.

She couldn't speak. She couldn't even look up from her hands. "You should," she finally said, her voice quivering, "I started it."

"You're young, practically a child."

"I'm not! I knew what I was doing!" She was crying. Miyako should be mad at her! She didn't deserve her forgiveness!

"And you knew it was wrong, so did my husband."

"I did it anyway."

"Yes, you did, but you also feel guilty."

"How can you forgive me?"

"I don't completely, but getting mad at you is not going to change the fact that he slept with you."

She started sobbing, unable to speak.

"He had every chance to turn back." She stood and left the room.

"So did I." Rukia whispered.

Rukia thought about that night sometimes, when she was laying awake, alone in her room. She doesn't anymore. After Kaien and Miyako died it seemed wrong. She hopes they're together in the World of the Living. Their souls should stay together. She can't interfere. Kaien was gone; she'd never see him again. She was as far away from him as she could possibly be. She'd made it that way, she'd taken everything from him. And he'd forgiven her.

She doesn't forgive herself.

A/N: Geez… O_O; I did not mean for that to turn into such an angst-fest, or be as graphic as it ended up. It jumped a rating level. I meant for it to be angsty and have some description, but my muse decided to take it several levels further.


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